Does it make sense?

Updated: Jun 29, 2020

This poem talks about the turmoil and confusion of realizing that things are getting out of the person's hand because of their mental health. It describes the feeling of helplessness and the efforts they try to put in to make it all better.

 

I wake up do my chores

Pick my purse, wear my heels

Put my lipstick, pick my keys

Ready to go

Time to show


I smile at people passing by 

Internally I'm aching to cry

And you might wonder why 


I swear I'm wondering the same

And trust me I have no one to blame

My tears seem so lame 

Why am I crying? 

I'm still wondering the same 


I'm in my car now

It feels like I'm running  out of breath

But I continue my journey anyhow


I have my presentation to present 

My boss with my work has always been content

But lately I feel my progress is becoming slow

I'm happy it doesn't show 


Happy Ah! that word 

It kind of seems blurred 

Doesn't that sound absurd 


You see I know 

I know I'm not making sense 

Because nothing is making sense to me

And trust me I'm as confused as you are by me


Anyways let's continue 

I so wish what I'm feeling I could know 

So whatever was wrong I could throw

 

But there was nothing but emptiness 

A feeling of hollowness 

Sitting straight still feeling like drowning

I wish I get attracted by the vibes of my surrounding


Everybody smiling and active 

Here my own thoughts are being so destructive 

It feels like they have got all figured out 

And here I can't even figure my thoughts out


Time for presentation 

Time for show

Time to pretend everything I know


But there seems to be a sense of tiredness

Without getting a work done 

It all seems madness

Anyways I tie my hair in a bun


I tell myself it will all go

Everything will make sense

So for now like a dead fish

Just go with the flow 


I present my presentation

To the best I can

And my boss questions me what's my plan?

I just kept staring at that man


I mean your work is getting low day by day 

And if it continues this way 

You might get fired 

And I just stood there with nothing to say


With no promises to work better

With no reasons or excuses 

Because I don't have any for that matter 

And to make one my mind just refuses 


He lets out a sigh

To pass him a smile I try

He leaves the room

And finally I cry 


But I don't cry because of what he said

I cry for something that's unsaid

I cry for something that's in me

And if you think this is a normal cry


Then Ah! No this cry 

This cry is of out pain

It is from the emptiness 

Where you feel you can't breathe 

Where you feel you are drowning 

Where when someone comes and ask you why? 

You have nothing to say so you continue to cry

Where when they ask you to stop crying you just cannot 

And again sense to you it might make not


Went back to work 

As if nothing happened 

Did my duties 

And all my work 


After all this tiredness I still can't sleep 

Neither can I weep

Suddenly I don't feel a thing

It's all numbness

Myself back can someone bring?


Please don't say nothing still makes sense to you 

Please don't say you still have no clue 

Please don't say I am just feeling low

Please don't ask me to just go with the flow


I have no idea what is happening to me

All I want is to be free

But I'm chained up with a force unseen

Do you get what I mean?


No idea what I feel

Just wondering if it'll heal?

~Aiman Asad

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